Strap on your seat belts because I’m about to teach y’all a thing.

Have you ever heard of a pineapple? You know, those trees with the branches that hurt if you touch them? Oh wait, those are pine trees. Oops. Simple mistake. Anyone could make it. Pineapples are those red things that hang off of apple trees. Never mind, those are apples. Why are pineapples named pineapples? Is it because they’re just apples with pines? Of course not. That would be easy to blog about and the world hates me.*

A long time ago, in a land far far away, not too far away actually, it was first discovered in the Caribbean island of Guadalupe. That was French territory, but literally right next to the Americas. It was a long time ago.) A famous sailor named Christopher Columbus was given credit for discovering a land that’s literally named after someone else. That’s all because a guy named Amerigo Vespucci went to the “West Indies” after Columbus was like, “Bruh, that ain’t the West Indies.” Then he just went and named it after himself. Not really, but that’s beside the point.

When Columbus sailed the ocean blue, his second trip came upon a place called Guadalupe. He found a thing that sorta looked like a pinecone, except back then they called pinecones pineapples, probably because they grew on trees. Columbus and his crew looked at each other and were like, “What?” (Probably) So they decided pineapple was a more fitting name for those big, funny looking yellow things, and started calling them pineapples. Personally, I refuse to believe this was on purpose.

What I think happened, was Columbus was like “Look at these pineapples!” and his crew was like, “Dude, that’s a fruit.” Columbus decided to play it off by saying, “Oh yeah, that’s uh…what I wanted to call it.”

Also, who knew pineapples didn’t grow on trees?

*Spoiler alert: Of course, I could have just linked this and been done, but that’s no fun.